A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
