marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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