terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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