I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
