I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
