I wish I only lived at night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
