Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
