I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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