We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize