when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
