Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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