Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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