you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
