Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
