i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize