wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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