drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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