i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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