Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
