Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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