I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
