I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
