omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
