Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
