the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
