You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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