dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
