Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
