I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
