sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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