hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
