I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
