obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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