1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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