we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the day after is always just damage control
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
