i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
