last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
