I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
