you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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