I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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