you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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