Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
