...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
