wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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