Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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