i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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