so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
