it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
