I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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