Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
