You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
