did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
