is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
