pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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