better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
