he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
