i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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