Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can vaginas get frostbite?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
