the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize