I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
