i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
