We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
