drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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