Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
