I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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